How To Survive A Horror Movie!

We watch a lot of Horror movies around here. Some more then others, but we all share a common bond and love for the genre. With thee amount of Horror movies we all watch we tend to pick up on certain things that "normal" people wouldn't even think to notice. For example, we notice all the mistakes the characters make and we get very annoyed by them. Really, you're running away from the killer and you've managed to trip over yourself and fall into a ditch? Seriously, come on! I can't tell you how much it bothers me to watch a Horror movie and see someone get killed out of pure idiocy. If this was "real life" you will be just like the movies, dead man walking. Because of this I have come up with a list of rules to help you out if and when you fall victim of a crazed psycho masked/unmasked killer.

Jenny Krueger presents "How to survive a Horror Movie." (In no particular order.)

"All the skills to dodge the kills."

1: Stay away from Cornfields!!

When you're running away from the killer and you see a huge ass cornfield, you stop to think to yourself. "Hmmm.. that looks safe, I'll go hide in there!" Just a little problem with your plan honey, you run into a cornfield you not only have to worry about the killer coming after you cause I guarantee he's going to see you rummaging through the field and now you have about 20 demonic possessed children ready to sacrifice your stupid ass to He Who Walks Behind The Rows.

2: Don't babysit over the weekend!!

Nothing good ever comes from babysitting. You have to deal with spoiled little brats, you're not doing anything fun, you get paid jack shit and some creepy ass dude is watching you outside the window while he pervs out, waiting for you to fall asleep so he can kill you. It's no surprise that HALLOWEEN was originally titled The Baby Sitter Murders.

3: Don't answer the phone!!

This usually falls in line with # 2. You're all alone in your house and you get this feeling like you're being watched then suddenly the phone rings. DON'T ANSWER IT!! Seriously, these people are stupid. If you HAVE to answer the phone then don't have a damn conversation with the person on the other line. I highly doubt he's interested in your latest "boyfriend drama."

4: Avoid looking for trouble!!

You're walking down the street and you start to hear a creepy noise in the background, keep walking and don't look back. If the noise in the background is making you feel nervous and uneasy then there's most likely a good reason for it. So, if you hear a scary noise don't go look to see what it is. Jackass!

5: Run, don't hide!!

In a lot of Horror movies when the killer tries to attack people one person usually runs upstairs or to the basement to avoid the killer. This tactic never works! If you don't run out of the house to escape then the killer will get a hold of you and kill you. Without fail, it always happens. What I would like to know is why do these morons think running upstairs, to the basement or even into the closet for that matter is actually going to help them? You do realize that running into a closet is basically backing yourself into a corner with no way out? Guess not cause they keep on doing it. By all means, run and hide in the closet if it makes you feel safe. I'm sure the killer won't see you standing behind all the coats.

6: Be prepared!!

You never know what's going to happen so you better be prepared for anything. The tag line "better safe then sorry" is very true in this situation. Keep some loaded guns ready for battle, a Latin book of Exorcisms. Salt, lots and lots of salt and knives, just in case. Nothing is wrong with being overly prepared, I mean If Dean Winchester can sleep with a knife and holy water under his bed then so can you.

7: Last but not least. Don't be stupid!!

I can't say this enough, if you're going to be in a Horror movie then you cannot be stupid. You can't expect to survive if you're running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Have some common sense. Just think, if this was "real life" what would you do? You're not going to run and hide in the closet when you can run to the house down the street and call the police, right? No of course not cause in real life you're not that stupid, well for the most part you're not.


There you have it. A list of ways to survive a horror movie, these are not the only rules to live by in the horror world. They are the only ones I can come up with at 2:30 in the morning. Do you have ways that will help you survive and it wasn't mentioned on here? Then by golly go make a list of your own and tell me about it. I'm DYING to know what you all would do. You see what I just did? I said I was DYING, I just made a joke. Hahaha! I kill myself! ;)