Review: The Human Centipede:

Yay! I finally got to watch The Human Centipede and............ it wasn't as great as I thought it would be. Damn it, I need to stop doing that. I go to the theatre or I rent a movie and watch it with high expectations only to be let down in the end and upset that my dreams were crushed. I wanted to watch this movie because it's meant to shock people and to give them the WTF feeling but I didn't get that at all. I love movies that shock people and make you say WTF because I live to shock people and I love how they think I'm a crazy person, it's a adrenaline rush that you just can't beat. I've heard a lot of talk about this movie on FEARnet and other blog sites that I started getting really excited to see this movie to the point that I got obsessed. I wasn't able to watch this movie on demand cause my mom heard what it was about so she banned me from watching it in the house, well I redbox it a couple of days ago and watched it when I got home from work. The opening scene was really dumb and I didn't like how it turned out, just the camera showing the highway and all the cars driving around.

After that it shows Dr. Heiter in his car waiting for someone to stop. A truck driver pulls up ahead of him and gets out of his car and walks into the field to take a dump. Sexy. Dr. Heiter pulls out his dart gun and shoots him and stuffs him into his car and drives off home. We're now introduced to the two American girls Lindsay and Jenny located in Germany getting ready in their hotel to go out to a night club. Their on their way to the night club but they end up getting lost since they don't know directions and they don't speak German. They get a flat tire so they wait in their car to figure out what to do when a car drives up along side of them. Lindsay asks the guy if he knows anyone who could help them but all he does is tells them in German how he wants to bang them. Dirty fat man. Jenny pulls out her German book to figure out what he's saying then realizes that he said fuck to them so they start freaking out rolls up the window. As their sitting in their car the guy is still staring at them and wiggling his tongue at them since he's a perverted old man.

He drives away and Lindsay and Jenny decide to get out and walk to find a pay phone. They walk through the woods as it starts to rain and Jenny is having a bitch fit since she's tired and lazy and she doesn't want to walk anymore, suck it up you baby and keep walking. They find a house and run to it knocking on the door. Dr. Heiter looks out the window to see who it is then he opens his door to find Lindsay and Jenny standing there soaking wet with their make up running down their face. He invites them in and Lindsay asks if he can call the car services so he does and he offers them a drink so they say just water. I swear they have to be the DUMBEST girls I have ever seen. If your in a strange house with a creepy man and he offers you a drink say no thank you, you don't have to say sure cause your afraid of sounding rude cause you know he's going to drug your drink all the signs are there. He gets the glasses and fills them with water as he's talking to himself in German acting like he's calling the car services to fool the girls, he spikes the girls drinks with the rape drug (told you!) and walks out and tells them it will be 30 Min's till the car services comes and he hands the girls the drinks. They drink the water and Jenny passes out while Lindsay is freaking out cause she doesn't know what's going on so Dr. Heiter explains what he did so Lindsay tries to make a run for it but can't since she's drugged up.

Dr. Heiter grabs her and injects some kind of drug into her neck to knock her out since she didn't drink as much of the drugged water as Jenny did. They wake up to find themselves strapped to a hospital bed in his basement that's designed as a operating room with the truck driver in the bed next to them. Dr. Heiter walks over to the truck driver and tells him that he's not the right match so he has to kill him so he injects a drug into his I.V. that stops his heart. He grabs the guy and buries him in his back yard. I like his style. He kidnaps a Japanese man named Katsuro straps him in a hospital bed next to the girls. He puts on a slide show and begins to tells them that he specialized in separating Siamese twins and now he wants to unleash his ultimate fantasy by connecting the three patients together via their gastric systems to bring to life the first ever Human Centipede. And people say I have some sick fantasies? Ha yeah right, my fantasies look like puppy dogs and rainbows compared to this nut. He injects the patients to get them ready for surgery but Lindsay breaks loose and runs away, Dr. Heiter runs after her but she locks herself in a room trying to find a way out. She ends up being able to get Jenny out drags her outside since she's already knocked out but Dr. Heiter shoots Lindsay with a dart gun and she falls to the ground.

He begins the surgery and starts connecting Lindsay, Jenny and Katsuro to each other and once it's all over he brings them to his living room where he can get a better look at his masterpiece with Katsuro being in front and Lindsay in the middle, Jenny in the back. He takes them outside to teach them to bring him the news paper but Katsuro wont do it and keeps dropping the news paper when he would but it in his mouth, dude if you want something to bring you the new paper then go out and buy yourself a dog you don't need to make a human centipede you freako. Later on cops show up at his house telling them that there have been complaints from people that they heard a american girl screaming in his back yard but Dr. Heiter denys everything and tries to give them water so he can drug them too. The main cops tells the Doctor that he's going to go get a search warrant cause he knows he's full of crap and he can tell something is wrong. Till then Katsuro stabs Dr. Heiter in the foot and bites his cheeks and pulls some skin off and they run well not really run they waddle away into a room trying to find a way out. Dr. Heiter traps them in the room and Katsuro cries out how he was a bad person and he left his family and children and he didn't live the life he should but he didn't think he deserved this type of punishment so he cuts his throat with a broken piece of glass.

After that the cops show up with a search warrant and begins to search the house to find Dr. Heiter and they open the door to see The Human Centipede and he freaks out because that is a shock to see and he runs to find the Doctor and he finds him in his pool room but the Doctor shoots the cop and kills him and the other cops runs up and Dr. Heiter shoots him as well but the cop was able to shoot Dr. Heiter in the head killing him and the two cops fall into the pool dead while Dr. Heiter is dead up against the wall. Meanwhile Lindsay and Jenny are still in the room since they can't go any where cause Katsuro is dead and Jenny ends up dying so it's just Lindsay by herself with no where to go then the screen goes black and the credits show up. I will admit that this movie wasn't terrible and I was pleased with it and I did enjoy it but It wasn't how I thought it would be. I was expecting this to be a sick and twisted movie with me thinking WTF throughout it but I didn't. I found out later that redbox cut out a scene where they were all outside and Katsuro really had to go to the bathroom so he ended up taking a dump in Lindsay's mouth and she had to swallow it. It made me mad when I found out that they cut it out even though I didn't really want to see someone taking a dump in someone else's mouth but come on that could of gave me the WTF reaction that I was looking for.

If I'm going to rent a movie then I want to see it how it came out in the theatres not some damn edited movie. Redbox shouldn't be aloud to edited movies and cut out certain scenes cause it's not fair and it's a rip off I want the whole package. If their going to cut out scenes then they should have two versions of the movie with one saying edited version and the other one saying unrated version. Damn you redbox! I read the trivia facts on IMDB and it said that some of the scenes in the movie were so controversial that some people actually got up and walked out during the screening. While watching the movie I couldn't help but ask myself what scenes were so controversial??? I didn't think any of the scenes were controversial, sure it was the type of movie that could rub someone the wrong way but not enough to make someone actually leave the theatre. I was pretty bummed out to the fact that this movie wasn't as "controversial" as a lot of people were thinking and I think that people are just easily offended that they'll take any little thing that shocks you and makes you think "What the hell?!" to get offended. People just need to pull the stick out of their asses cause this movie wasn't as bad and sick as everyone thought it was. I said it once and I'll say it again, If your not out shocking people then your just plain boring. I give this movie 4 out of 5 Skulls.